Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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