the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
