I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
