I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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