Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
