dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am available for nakedness
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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