he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
