New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
