You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
