Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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