she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
