He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
