dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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