Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
