I'm lost and stupid without you.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
