he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
