Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
