just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Found the puke drawer
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
