Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize