I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
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