Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize