he wants to bone in the snuggie
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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