You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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