Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
there was a trapeze. enough said
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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