You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
