apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
