Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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