youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize