the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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