how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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