five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
