I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
