used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
