Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
