Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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