It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
