$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
