Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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