Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
