you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
