WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
