When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i wish my penis had a tongue
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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