HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
