This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
