last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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