You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
