Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
