Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize