that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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