Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
