NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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