I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
