It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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