dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She said her name was "party"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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