There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
