You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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