What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Who died my cat blue again?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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