how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Every concussion has its silver lining
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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