i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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