I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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