Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
