3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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