I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I currently don't understand fingers.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize