ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
