if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
