I hate your face
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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