U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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